She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
