Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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