2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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