Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
