Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
