I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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