you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
