there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
