So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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