I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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