I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
