i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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