I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
