You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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