4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My balls are so social today.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
