On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My balls are so social today.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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