break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
