Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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