Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish I could teleport
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want a musical about memes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
