youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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