There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
