6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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