Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
