Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize