Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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