i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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