I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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