You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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