Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
