Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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