I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
