You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
