So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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