wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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