She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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