Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think i have two assholes
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
