Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
