I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
