Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
