I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
