Will you blow on my dice?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it's like iHOP with fire
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
