Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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