dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
