you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
