It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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