hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
