Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
