Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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