if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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