apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
