it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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