I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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