WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
