I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
