There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
