Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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