I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize