Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
