she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
