the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
