Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize