and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're like the curious george of whores
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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