You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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