So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
