Is it because I queefed?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
