I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
