Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
