nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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