Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
