its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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