So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
