Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
