Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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