At least make sure they are 18
Why
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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