the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
