im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
