i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
