I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
