In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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