meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
