the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
