I look better un-naked...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
