12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
