Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
