i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i believe in u and ur pee
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
