If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
