I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I look better un-naked...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
